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"I'm not sure he's wrong about automobiles," Eugene said. "With all their speed forward they may be a step backward in civilization -- that is, in spiritual civilization. It may be that they will not add to the beauty of the world, nor to the life of men's souls...
Ask Dub Schwartz!
Nov 15, 2009 5:10 am | Categories: ask dub schwartz, humor, tiresPosted by pf_flyer
Dear Dub,
Did you see the new 15 Series tires that were displayed at SEMA? I bet you're going to have fun changing them!
Bob Holland
The only ones that are going to have fun with those are the wheel companies who will get to sell more wheels...
[T]he car did one more thing for me. It reaffirmed my belief in America. It may sound strange to say that a $45,000 Italian sports car reaffirmed my belief in America, but, as I said, it's all part of western civilization and here we were in America, the apogee of that fine trend in human affairs...
Dear Dub,
I was in a tire shop the other day when a guy pulled up in a smart car and came in saying he wanted some new tires. So the fine fellow at the desk said, "Let's go out and see what size they are", and the smart driver says, "Oh, they're not for that, they're for my Crossfire". What a green poser!..
There are just two problems with mass transit. Nobody uses it, and it costs [too much]. Only 4% of Americans take public transportation to work...
Dear Dub,
Now that Cash for Clunkers has put a lot of perfectly good cars into salvage yards, I can finally follow through on an idea I've had for years. I'm going to build the perfect car by using the best parts from whatever source, and show Detroit how it should be done. What do you think?..
We are a nation that worships speed and power. And for good reason. Without power we would still be part of England and everybody would be out of work...
Dear Dub,
Where have you been? Are you OK?
Donger Harris
Well I wasn't on sabbatical, that's for sure!..
An experienced pickup truck driver is a person who's wrecked one. An inexperienced pickup truck driver is a person who's about to wreck one. A very inexperienced pickup truck driver doesn't even own a pickup but will probably be mistaken for a wild antelope by people jack-lighting pronghorns in somebody else's pickup truck...
For those readers too young to remember, a car used to be a simple piece of machinery, something like a very fast rider mower but better because you couldn't mow the lawn with it. You started this up, drove off at pretty much any speed you desired, and then exercised a variety of constitutionally guaranteed liberties.... No more--nowadays if a car cannot survive a drop from the Gateway Arch and emits any vapors more noxious than Evening in Paris, the federal government won't let you own it, and what they will let you own you can't really drive, because fifty-five miles an hour is the speed at which a spirited person parallel-parks, not motors to Chicago...
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