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CarSpace Used Car QuotesWeekly quotes about those mechanized things we love and hate from throughout the history of the automobile. Some are humorous and some serious. Feel free to send me some of your favorites. Nov 16, 2009 - Quotes - Week 07"I'm not sure he's wrong about automobiles," Eugene said. "With all their speed forward they may be a step backward in civilization -- that is, in spiritual civilization. It may be that they will not add to the beauty of the world, nor to the life of men's souls. I am not sure. But automobiles have come, and they bring a greater change in our life than most of us suspect. They are here, and almost all outward things are going to be different because of what they bring. They are going to alter war, and they are going to alter peace. I think men's minds are going to be changed in subtle ways because of automobiles; just how, though, I could hardly guess. But you can't have the immense outward changes that they will cause without some inward ones, and it may be that George is right, and that the spiritual alteration will be bad for us. Perhaps, ten or twenty years from now, if we can see the inward change in men by that time, I shouldn't be able to defend the gasoline engine, but would have to agree with him that automobiles 'had no business to be invented.'" ~ Booth Tarkington, The Magnificent Ambersons, 1918. When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. ~ Steven Wright. I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. ~ Steven Wright. Driving a pickup at high speed is a difficult skill to master. The first step is to assume the proper driving position: Use one hand to firmly grasp the drip rail on the roof. This takes the place of shoulder harness, lap belt, and air bag and lets you give the finger to people with anti-handgun bumper stickers on their cars. Then place your other hand on the gearshift knob so you'll always know what gear you're in (which is second, as I pointed out before). Now take your third hand... Perhaps some picture of the difficulty is beginning to emerge. Anyway, be sure to balance your beer can carefully in your lap. - P.J. O'Rourke, Republican Party Reptile, 1987. It certainly seems to be a reasonable conclusion that the possible maximum for automotive passenger cars cannot exceed one to every family. ~ Forbes Magazine, November 24, 1923.
Nov 9, 2009 - Quotes - Week 06[T]he car did one more thing for me. It reaffirmed my belief in America. It may sound strange to say that a $45,000 Italian sports car reaffirmed my belief in America, but, as I said, it's all part of western civilization and here we were in America, the apogee of that fine trend in human affairs. And, after all, what have we been getting civilized for, all these centuries? Why did we fight all those wars, conquer all those nations, kidnap all those Africans, and kill all the Indians in the western hemisphere? Why, for this! For this perfection of knowledge and craft. For this conquest of the physical elements. For this sense of mastery of man over nature. To be in control of our destinies--and there is no more profound feeling of control over one's destiny that I have ever experienced than to drive a Ferrari down a public road at 130 miles an hour. Only God can make a tree, but only man can drive by one that fast. And if the lowly Italians, the lamest, silliest, least stable of our NATO allies, can build a machine like this, just think what it is that we can do. We can smash the atom. We can cure polio. We can fly to the moon if we like. There is nothing we can't do. Maybe we don't happen to build Ferraris, but that's not because there's anything wrong with America. We just haven't turned the full light of our intelligence and ability in that direction. We were, you know, busy elsewhere. We may not have Ferraris but just think what our Polaris-missile submarines are like. And if it feels like this in a Ferrari at 130, my God, what can it possibly feel like at Mach 2.5 in an F-15? Ferrari 308s and F-15s--these are the conveyances of free men. What do the Bolshevik automatons know of destiny and its control? What have we to fear from the barbarous Red hordes? - P.J. O'Rourke, Republican Party Reptile, 1987. Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there is something wrong with him. ~ Art Buchwald, "How Un-American Can You Get?", 1966. I don't let people drive at my speed. If I see some guy in the next lane keepin' pace with me, I slow down. I let that asshole get a little bit ahead, so I can keep an eye on him. I like to know who I'm drivin' near. In fact, quite often at a red light I'll ask for personal references. You can never be too careful. ~ George Carlin, Uncensored. I've got a Ferrari. VROOM! I do 104 from the garage to the front door. ~ Bill Cosby. With over 50 foreign cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn't likely to carve out a big slice of the U.S. market. - Business Week, August 2, 1968.
Nov 2, 2009 - Quotes - Week 05There are just two problems with mass transit. Nobody uses it, and it costs [too much]. Only 4% of Americans take public transportation to work. Even in cities they don't do it. Less than 25% of commuters in the New York metropolitan area use public transportation. Elsewhere it's far less -- 9.5% in San Francisco-Oakland-San Jose, 1.8% in Dallas-Fort Worth. As for total travel in urban parts of America -- all the comings and goings for work, school, shopping, etc. -- 1.7 % of those trips are made on mass transit. Then there is the cost, which is...$52 billion. Less obviously, there's all the money spent locally keeping local mass transit systems operating. The Heritage Foundation says, 'There isn't a single light rail transit system in America in which fares paid by the passengers cover the cost of their own rides." Heritage cites the Minneapolis 'Hiawatha' light rail line, soon to be completed with $107 million from the transportation bill. Heritage estimates that the total expense for each ride on the Hiawatha will be $19. Commuting to work will cost $8,550 a year. If the commuter is earning minimum wage, this leaves about $1,000 a year for food, shelter and clothing. Or, if the city picks up the tab, it could have leased a BMW X-5 SUV for the commuter at about the same price. ~ P.J. O'Rourke, March, 2005. I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. ~ Steven Wright. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. ~ Author Unknown. A pickup truck is basically a back porch with an engine attached. Both a pickup and a back porch are good places to drink beer because you can take a leak standing up from either. Pickup trucks are generally a little faster downhill than back porches, with the exception of certain California back porches during mudslide season. But back porches get better gas mileage. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. ~ Steve Bluestone.
Oct 26, 2009 - Quotes - Week 04We are a nation that worships speed and power. And for good reason. Without power we would still be part of England and everybody would be out of work. And if it weren't for speed, it would take us all months to fly to L.A., get involved in the movie business, and become rich and famous. Bicycles are too slow and impuissant for a country like ours. They belong in Czechoslovakia. - P.J. O'Rourke, Republican Party Reptile, 1987. When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip. No other man-made device since the shields and lances of the ancient knights fulfills a man's ego like an automobile. ~ Sir William Rootes, British automobile manufacturer, 14 Jan. 1958, BBC-TV. Indeed, we would lead better lives and be a wiser nation if we placed the automobile, instead of our own ambition and greed, at the center of our society. This should be taken into consideration the next time we amend our Constitution: You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. ~ Author Unknown.
Oct 19, 2009 - Quotes - Week 03An experienced pickup truck driver is a person who's wrecked one. An inexperienced pickup truck driver is a person who's about to wreck one. A very inexperienced pickup truck driver doesn't even own a pickup but will probably be mistaken for a wild antelope by people jack-lighting pronghorns in somebody else's pickup truck. The foremost high-speed-handling characteristic of pickup trucks is the remarkably high speed with which they head from wherever you are directly into trouble. This has to do with beer. The minute you get in a pickup you want a beer. I'm not exactly sure why this is, but personally I blame it on Jimmy Carter having been President. - P.J. O'Rourke, Republican Party Reptile, 1987. To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior." ~ Rita Rudner. Remember folks, street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph. ~ Jim Samuels All traffic will be below or high above ground when brought within city limits. In most cities it will be confined to broad subways or tunnels, well lighted and well ventilated, or to high trestles with moving-sidewalk stairways leading to the top. These underground or overhead streets will teem with automobile passenger coaches and freight wagons with cushioned wheels. Cities, therefore will be free from all noises. ~ John Watkins, predicting what life would be like in 100 years, Ladies Home Journal, 1900. The shortest distance between two points is under construction. ~ Noelie Altito.
Oct 12, 2009 - Quotes - Week 02For those readers too young to remember, a car used to be a simple piece of machinery, something like a very fast rider mower but better because you couldn't mow the lawn with it. You started this up, drove off at pretty much any speed you desired, and then exercised a variety of constitutionally guaranteed liberties.... No more--nowadays if a car cannot survive a drop from the Gateway Arch and emits any vapors more noxious than Evening in Paris, the federal government won't let you own it, and what they will let you own you can't really drive, because fifty-five miles an hour is the speed at which a spirited person parallel-parks, not motors to Chicago. ~ P.J. O'Rourke, Republican Party Reptile, 1987. Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead. ~ Mac McCleary. When I become president, all you a**holes that ride bikes in the city? Lock and load! You're going down! ~ Denis Leary, Lock 'N Load (1997). [In 2000] Commuters will go to the city in huge aerial buses that hold 200 passengers. Hundreds of thousands more will make such journeys twice a day in their own helicopters. ~ Waldemar Kaempfert, Popular Mechanics, 1950. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~ Albert Einstein.
Oct 6, 2009 - Quotes - Week 01In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks. ~ Scott Adams. If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. ~ Mario Andretti. My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. ~ Rodney Dangerfield. If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside. ~ Robert Cringely. That the automobile has practically reached the limit of its development is suggested by the fact that during the past year no improvements of a radical nature have been introduced. ~ Scientific American, June 2, 1909
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